A lyric from Madonna's song "this used to be my playground", off her "Something to Remember" album.
"Don't hold on to the past."
"Well that’s too much to ask."

~~~~~

Koushiro was up late at night, as he had been for the past few nights. Despite his crest of knowledge, why he could not sleep was beyond his understanding.

'Well, there are two logical explanations. Either I have had too much caffeine, which is very unlikely, or I have something on my mind without realizing it.' Koushiro fingers typed for him, not sure of what it was that he was trying to do. However the rolling of his fingers over the laptop's keyboard had become so automatic that conscious thought was no longer necessary.

'I always think about things of course. Only, maybe there is one thing in particular that is bothering me.' The sound of typing fingers soothed him, the fallback in case he was too far lost in his thoughts.

'My parents, maybe?' The typing of the fingers slowed down a little.

~~~~~

"Maybe we should tell Koushiro, honey.." Mom said softly, a tone of fear in her voice.
"I don't know.. I think we should wait until he's older, more mature." Dad replied, trying to sound calm. Hiding something..
"If we wait too long, it might hurt him more." Mom said, the worry more evident in her voice.
"I don't know..." Dad said, sighing. "I don't know how we're supposed to tell him that we're not his real parents...."
Koushiro stood outside the door, in numb shock. He quietly returned to his room and attempted to understand what had just happened.

~~~~~

'Not...my real parents...' Koushiro thought, the fingers still typing, but slowly and softly. 'Then who were my real parents? What were they like?' The fingers hit the keyboard lightly. 'Who...who am I, really?'

A soft sigh came forth from Koushiro's throat, and the typing resumed its normal pace. 'I wonder if I'll ever find out? Or should I even bother with it? It shouldn't matter now, right?'

Silence. 'It doesn't matter who my real parents are, it doesn't affect who I am now.'

'Right?'

Finding no response within himself, Koushiro resumed his typing. Typing, yes, the escape from harsh reality. The escape from people with secrets. Escape from hurtful people with hurtful secrets.

~~~~~

"Koushiro, honey, can I come in...?" Mom’s voice sounded sweet and inviting from beyond the door.
"Sure, mom." Koushrio responded. "The door's open." 'But I'm not really here, you're not really my mom.
Mom came in, Koushiro heard that, yet made no reaction. He continued to type and to work on his computer. Looking up various information of whatever striked his curiousity.
"Koushiro..honey.." Mom came up behind him, laying her hands on his shoulders. Koushiro's shoulders arched for a minute yet then relaxed. "Are you...ok? You seem very quiet lately.."
"I'm fine." Koushiro responded automatically. 'You're not my mother. So who are you?'
"Oh...ok...well.." Mom sighed. "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, ok?"
"Ok."
Mom bent down and kissed him on his cheek, patting his head, then walked out the door, closing it behind her.
'I thought it was always wise never to talk to strangers.' Koushiro thought, dismissing the encounter and returning to his virtual reality.

~~~~~

'Of course, maybe if I did know my real parents, then I would know why they chose to gave me up. No money? No home? No time? They didn't like me? Maybe they wanted a girl? Maybe there's some secret about me that only they know about..?' A million questions ran through Koushiro's mind as his typing speed increased, attempting to use his fallback. Soon enough, a small beep broke him from his trance, as his computer had committed an illegal operation.

"Darn it!" Koushiro hissed as he quickly went about the process to fix the problem. Soon it was back to typing, creating programs, creating solutions, understanding the digital world better, looking over digital monsters.

Busy work, keeping himself occupied. Occupied so that he had no time to worry about other things. Other important things.

~~~~~

On the regular morning walk to school. Only today things were different. From now on everything was different.
"Hi Koushiro!" Jyou's cheerful voice woke him up from his trance. Koushiro looked up at his best friend of, of how long? Ever since he was a baby, he was told, even though he could not remember anything before age three.
"I'm...fine." Koushiro replied quietly, deciding at the last minute not to talk to Jyou about what had happened the night before.
"Oh..?" Jyou replied, looking him up and down. After a few minutes of walking, Jyou stopped Koushiro in the street. "Are you sure you're ok? You're not normally so quiet."
"I'm fine." Koushiro replied, looking in Jyou's caring eyes. 'I don't know who I am anymore...'
"A...alright." Jyou said emotionlessly. The remaining walk to school was silent.
'If I don't know who I am, how can I be friends with anyone..? What if they are my friends, and then when I find out the truth, what will they think? Will they be hurt? Will they think that I've done something with their friend?' Koushiro glanced over at Jyou, his best friend, his nii-chan. His eyes seemed saddened, now. Koushiro cringed inwardly. 'Better then..to leave everyone alone.'

~~~~~

Koushiro awoke from his musing with a start, realizing the wetness on his cheeks. 'Crying..?'
Was he crying? Why?
A small, childish voice made itself heard. 'I miss Jyou....'

~~~~~

"WAAAHHH!!!! Stop picking on me!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" a young Koushiro sobbed, it was his first or second day at his first school for the first year, and he was not having a good time. The other kids, deciding that since he had made no new friends in his class yet, that he was an outcast. Thus, someone to be bullied.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" the voice of Koushiro's hero made him look up.
"It's a big kid! Run! He might beat us up!!" the other kids shouted, running as far away as quickly as possible. Jyou came up to where the kids were, not looking too amused. Then he kneeled down by Koushiro, patting his head.
"Sorry I wasn't here sooner, there was a paper fight in class so everyone had to stay behind and clean up." Jyou said apologetically.
"Nii...nii-chan..." Koushiro threw himself in Jyou's arms, sobbing his eyes out. "Why do they hate me?" he sobbed, clutching to Jyou. Jyou wrapped his arms around the little boy, holding him tight.
"...because you're so smart! Haven't you been doing good in class? You've been doing nice drawing and stuff, right?" Jyou was always the first to cheer Koushiro up.
"Ye...yeah.." Koushiro sniffed, looking up at Jyou.
"So there! They're jealous of you. You don't need bullies like them for friends, you'll find some real friends who don't get jealous. Just take it with a smile, Koushiro. Well, if they keep beating you up, let me know, ok?" Jyou patted Koushiro's back, smiling.
"Ok!" Koushiro grinned. He pulled away from Jyou. "Race you to the park?"
"You’re on!" Jyou grinned too, as the two friends raced towards the park.
'I think I should hug Jyou whenever I'm cold, because he's so warm.' Koushiro thought, deciding something for life and not giving it a second thought.

~~~~~

'Then when I found out about my parents....' Koushiro's thoughts drifted. The typing had come to a halt.

When Koushiro had found out about his parents, he pushed everyone away. For fear of letting them down by not knowing who he was, for fear of them disowning him first if they found out he was adopted, and for fear of being hurt again by other people.

He pushed everyone away.

His parents, classmates.

Jyou.
Jyou, his best friend. His nii-chan.

Looking over at Jyou now, his back was to him, and he could not see Jyou's face. His fingers squashed a few more tears that threatened to run down his cheeks, and he returned to his typing.

His virtual reality, his virtual hideaway.

~~~~~